Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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