I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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