Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
