Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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