Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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