maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
