I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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