a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
