Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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