So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
