did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
