Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize