Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
