Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she peed on how many people?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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