So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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