so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
