I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
