is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
