Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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