oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize