I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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