if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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