my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
