Dual....:-)
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
