i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
