I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
