you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
