You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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