dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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