haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
