I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
