Sry I called you an 8
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize