I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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