The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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