exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
