Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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