No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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