This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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