I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
