So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
