I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
