I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
