Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
