Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
