just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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