Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize