Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
