i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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