i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
