so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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