My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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