i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
