You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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