No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
