Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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