Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
