i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
