I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
