when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
