Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
