dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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