Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
