Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
