I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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