My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
