So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
