Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
