Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize