I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
