Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
