marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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