the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
