I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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