pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize