I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
