I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
