i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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