ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
