Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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