the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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