Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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