So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
