I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize