Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
