dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize