i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
