The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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